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Prayer Journal: Day 44

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13

There are times when I have total meltdowns. During those times I am completely overwhelmed, angry, and frustrated. I feel like I have to scream. I can’t watch my two-year-old son during those times or clean up the millions of messes he makes. During those moments, all I can do is stop, go outside, and remove myself from the situation. It often takes hours before I feel strong enough to go back inside and deal with Jacob’s tantrums, my family’s dysfunctions, and my clients’ problems.

Jesus knows we are weak. We need His strength. He knows that the devil attacks us every day and from every angle and sometimes it feels like too much. 

But Jesus gives us strength when we feel like we are losing it. He knows just what to do and what to say to us to snap us out of it. He loves us.

Prayer Journal: Day 43

Day 43

“No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you.” – Joshua 1:5

Sometimes I feel like I am alone in my struggles. My mind races when I go to bed at night. I am always rehashing the stressors of the day, and the things on my to-do list that I didn’t get to.

God says He will never leave us. That means we are not alone. We struggle, but He knows what that feels like, too. He struggled even more and died for us. It is a gift. We should learn to relax into His presence and thank Him for loving us so much that He sent His son to die for us. 

Not every god would do that. Our God loves us and saved us.

Prayer Journal: Day 42

Day 42

No one is holy like the Lord, for there is none besides You, nor is there any rock like our God. – 1 Samuel 2:2

God is one of a kind. He is a loving, caring God. He is like a rock in that He is strong when we are weak.

I feel weak a lot, and tired. But He never gets tired. He neither slumbers nor sleeps. While we are sleeping, He does the hard work to protect us. That should make falling asleep easier. Amen.

Prayer Journal: Day 41

Day 41

And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13

I’ve been searching for God’s peace. It’s hard to find it when there are 7.75 million cases of COVID-19 in the USA. It’s hard to hear His voice when the noise in our heads is so loud that we can’t hear anything else except the negative self-talk. My relationships have sometimes become strained because I don’t share others’ opinions, especially when it comes to safety during the pandemic.

Some people want to live their lives as they always did before, but I find it hard to enjoy dinner out when everyone in the restaurants is wearing a mask, and I have to worry that if I go to the bathroom, I will touch a surface contaminated by COVID-19. Sometimes I hold it and sometimes I risk going to the bathroom, even if it might not be clean.

I can’t sleep some nights because my son is in pain from his allergies. I was terrified to take him to the doctor because COVID-19 might be at the doctor’s office.

Everything seems harder during the pandemic, more dangerous, and risky. My work burns me out sometimes. Things are not right.

God knows our hearts and can comfort our souls. He can give us rest. We just have to ask Him and trust Him.

Prayer Journal: Day 40

Day 40

You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. “Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” – Matthew 5: 14-16

My family lives on top of a hill. When we first moved into our house, a street light at the top of our road was out and hadn’t been fixed for years. My husband called the power company to fix it, and they did. No sooner did they fix it than a neighbor down the street complained that the light was interfering with his sleep because it beamed through his mini blinds and it hadn’t done that in years. He demanded that we put out the light. My husband fought back and argued that the street light needed to stay on for the safety of those who used the road, and his appeal to the General Interest District (GID) was granted. During snow storms later that winter, we could see he was right.

Why do we hide our light? Why do we repress the gifts that God has given us? Are we afraid that if we shared our light in the way that God meant for us, people would criticize us? Would they complain that our light was too bright?

We are so used to being in darkness, in the midst of our dark thoughts, that we often don’t see what God intends for us. He wants us to be happy, so happy that others can see our radiance.

Isn’t that beautiful? And how would life be different if we stopped being afraid of what other people might say and stood up each day to let our light shine? It would be a different world indeed.

Prayer Journal: Day 39

Day 39

“Be angry, and do not sin”; do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. – Ephesians 4:26

It seems like I am angry and resentful a lot. Why do I have a short fuse some days while other days I am almost too patient, to the point of burnout? What does it mean to be angry and not sin while you are angry? Anger is not a good emotion and is not one that is kind to your body.

Anger manifests in our bodies and sometimes even causes illness. It’s not an emotion that I want to have, and yet I feel it all the time now that I am a mother and have to juggle work and taking care of my son.

I felt anger even before I was a mother because I worked and put up with non-ideal clients, co-workers, and situations. I endured those situations and sometimes suffered in silence. Other times I fought back, and that seemed to make it worse before it made it better.

Psalms 4: 4 says: Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. 

David, who wrote the majority of the psalms, was a man beloved by God. But he was a man who felt strong emotions and didn’t always do the right thing, yet he always repented and brought his sins to God.

Is it a sin in itself to be angry? I don’t think so. Otherwise, I think Jesus would have sinned. He certainly had moments when the Pharisees were harassing Him and trying to get Him to say something that would trap him. He even called them hypocrites at times. I’m sure He felt frustrated. He suffered everything we suffer and then some. Our problems are tiny compared to what He suffered and died for. It is a gift – salvation – and even though He felt anger sometimes, because it is human nature to feel angry from time to time, whether or not the cause is justified, He never sinned. He took on all of our burdens. He made himself a servant so that we could live and have life eternal. What a tremendous sacrifice!

So then, in comparison, what do we have to be angry about? The Bible tells us to meditate and be still, and that is the best thing to do after we have been angry. Meditation and stillness brings peace. Not the peace that the world gives, but God’s peace.

I want to be in that number “when the saints go marching in”. I don’t want to forgo Heaven because I was angry about some small thing that I wasn’t able to forgive. We need to be more like Jesus. We need to meditate more and be still. Amen.

Prayer Journal: Day 38

Day 38

If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1: 6-9

This world sometimes seems dark. Our thoughts are dark. There is so much death around us. It is hard to look up and see the light.

We can’t even enjoy our dinner out at a restaurant or make a trip to the grocery store without worrying that we will catch COVID-19. God protects us. He is light and wants us to see that, too.

Prayer Journal: Day 37

Day 37

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things; hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. – 1 Cor. 13:4-7

It seems that we suffer a long time the more we are kind and try to accommodate others. Love requires sacrifice and the greatest sacrifice is to lay down one’s life for others. Jesus did that for us. He suffered a long time. He was more than patient.

He even at some point asked his Father to take “this cup from me,” (Luke 22:42) yet He submitted to His Father’s will anyway. It could not have been easy, but Jesus loves us so much that He died for us. We should be grateful.

Prayer Journal: Day 36

Day 36

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6

Our ways are not His ways. Our thoughts are not His thoughts, but if we let Him, Jesus can transform our thoughts. He can make all things new.

We are set in our old ways, ways that are full of worry, sin, and strife. God wants more for us. He sees a greater purpose for our lives and wants to connect with us and show us the way of love.

Prayer Journal: Day 35

Day 35

This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. – Psalm 118: 24

Sometimes we are irritated by the world – sickness, racism, and death surround us. We can’t sleep. There are too many things to think about. This is not what God intended for us.

He has made us in His image, and He wants us to rejoice, be glad, and to be thankful for what He has given us. There is abundance if we choose to open our eyes and see it. Amen.

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